By Rameez Abid
Address your parents with proper etiquette and do not say to them uff [expression of annoyance] nor rebuke them. And speak to them with good words.
Obey your parents always unless it is something sinful, in which case, do not obey them because obedience to the Creator takes preference over obedience to the parents.
Be kind to your parents and do not frown at them nor stare at them with anger.
Preserve their reputation, honor, and wealth and do not take anything from it without their permission.
Do acts to make things easy for them even when they don’t tell you to, for example, helping them [with things], buying supplies for them, etc.
Seek advice from them in all of your affairs and apologize when you have to disagree with them.
[When they call out to you], quickly answer their calls with smiling faces.
Honor your parents’ friends and family members in their lifetime and after they’ve died.
Do not argue with them and when they do something wrong, clarify the right thing to them with good manners.
Do not keep insisting [things] on them nor raise your voice at them. Listen to their speech and behave properly with them. Also, do not bother one of your siblings out of honor for your parents [because it would annoy them].
Stand up for them when they enter [into the room] and kiss their forehead.
Help your mother in the house and do not delay assisting your father with his work.
Do not travel if they do not give their permission even if it is for something important. But if you must go, then apologize to them [before leaving]. Also, do not cut off writing to them.
Do not enter into their room without their permission especially during times of sleeping and resting.
If you are afflicted with smoking, then do not do so in front of them.
Do not eat food before them and honor them in food and drink.
Do not lie to them and do not blame them when they do something you don’t like.
Do not prefer your wife or kids over them, rather, seek to please them before anyone else because the “pleasure of Allah is in the pleasure of parents and the anger of Allah is in the anger of parents.”
Do not sit in a place higher than them [ex: you sitting in a chair while they are seated on the floor] nor stretch out your feet in their presence out of arrogance.
Do not arrogantly attribute the relationship to your father [ex: I belong to such and such family; my father is so and so high official, etc.] and be warned from denying them goodness or hurting them with even one word.
Do not be stingy in spending on them until they complain to you [for their lack of resources] because this is a shame on you and you will see that from your children [as well]. The one who condemns will be similarly condemned.
Often visit your parents and present them with gifts. Thank them for raising you and tiring themselves for you. Just think about your own children and how much you endure for them.
The person most deserving of your honor is your mother then your father and remember that paradise is under the mother’s feet [based on a hadith which means serving your mother is a means to entering paradise].
Beware of being ungrateful to your parents and their anger because it will bring unhappiness in this life and the afterlife. Your children will treat you like you treat your parents.
If you request something from your parents, then be kind to them and thank them for having given it to you. If they refuse to give you what you requested, then excuse them. Do not constantly ask them for things because it could bother them.
When you are able to earn a living, then work and help your parents.
Your parents and wife have a right on you so fulfill their rights and try to reconcile between them when they disagree.
If your parents argue with your wife [over a disagreement], then be wise and try to make your wife understand that you are on her side if she is right and that [at the same time] you are compelled to please your parents.
If you disagree with your parents with regards to marriage or some other path in life, then seek judgement through Islamic law because it is the best aid for you.
Supplication of the parents is answered, whether good or bad, so beware of their supplication against you.
Have good manners with the people because whoever cursed the people, they will curse him in return [ex: you curse someone’s parents so they in turn curse your parents].
Visit your parents in their lifetime and after their death [at their graves] and give charity on their behalf and often supplicate to Allah for them saying: “My Lord forgive my parents”, “My Lord, have mercy on them both as they brought me up when I was small”, etc.
Source: How Do We Raise Our Children and What is Obligatory on the Parents and Children – By Muhammad bin Jameel Zeno, pg. 30-31
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